When your inner dialogue is filled with self-judgment when you try to talk with others, it drains your power. That habit keeps you stuck in your head, swimming in your thoughts and worries, mired in concerns and insecurities, and totally distracted. But wouldn’t you love to be super present, available, and free talking to anyone?
I know speaking with confidence takes practice, but I think the magic that’s beyond self-consciousness starts here:
One: Change your story about yourself. Hint: That means you should distinguish what it is! If you’re walking around thinking you’re unimpressive, or too young-looking, or boring, or inexperienced, or like you don’t really matter, or like you don’t express yourself well, trust me – you’ll keep that story alive, and you have no shot at expanding your confidence.
Reverse the story and try on a new one. Start saying to yourself: “I’m a confident communicator,” or “people love me!” – and it will have you feeling different, and maybe even like new things are possible. It might feel fake at first, but that inner dialogue needs to switch, and you’ve got to practice. Choose an empowering story, and repeat that phrase until it starts to feel real. Remind yourself of your new story whenever you get stuck.
Two: Focus externally. Get your attention on other people! If you want power in being confident, being “present” is definitely part of that. As you focus externally, you’ll be less focused on your inner (negative, judgy) thoughts and feelings. Take your attention off of yourself, and trust me, you’ll often find the other person way more interesting than those tired thoughts and self-judgments of yours. Instead of hanging out in your head – turn your attention outward and practice being fascinated and aware of everything and everyone outside of you.
Three: Help someone else. Put someone else’s needs ahead of your own. Take on a new project or just task yourself fully with making them laugh or smile – and you’ll be another step further away from your inner chatter. Ask “how can I help this person” – as you get the conversation going, and then really listen for your opportunity to do that.
Self-consciousness hangs around when you stay self-oriented – and while it’s vital to have an empowering attitude about yourself, the real death knell for insecurity is to put your attention elsewhere – because as you’ve heard before, “energy goes where attention flows.”
I know there’s a confident you waiting to come forth – it just takes practice.